A rhyming slang narrative – find out more about it visiting  www.rhymingslang.co.uk 



Lend this short jackanory your ten speeds and time

That life for a tea leaf’s not lemon, you’ll find

I’ve done bird in the bucket – the price to get scratch

‘cos me income and lifestyle were never a match



I was jack in the jack with me jazz in the jack

When I felt ‘ow me barnet stood up on me back

A bottle came charging while blocking me way

I instantly knew I’d out-welcomed me stay



‘E tried grabbing me nanny before I was gone

Got me fist in his boat – and the race was now on

I got out from the near with ‘is breath like a yoke

The Sweeney kept brusseling “Stop there, you stoke!”




If there’s something that gets on me Westham reserves

It’s the prospect of shovel (although well deserved)

With me background, it’s porridge the next time around

If it’s back to the boom, then I’d rather be brown



With the bottle be’ind me, I ran down the plate

With me crust on a plate, well, me plates better rate

I threw off me weasel, to speed up some more

Shame – I’d bought it last week, with the whistle I wore


(… continued …)